Dear Birmingham,

It’s crazy to think that I have been praying for you since last August. When I first heard the news of Mfuge coming to reach out to you in God-sized ways, I was instantly captivated. Right away a place in my heart opened up and God placed you there – and this love began to fervor and my heart began to burden for you and all the people you hold. You are full of soil just waiting to be toiled and harvested… and I am humbled that God would choose me to be a part of planting the seeds. Not only planting, I pray, but watering them and watching them grow as well…

My dearest Birmingham, talking with the others that are joining me in the efforts to reach you inspires me and gives me hope. God has big plans for you and this summer is going to be nothing short of that.

As the days narrow down, I pray that the soil will be ready and that seeds will begin being planted even now. I pray that hearts will begin to soften and that your people begin to find a yearning, a passion, a need for Christ in their lives. Let them know that Good News is coming – it is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed (our) lives from the day (we) first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace [Colossians 1:6].

I think Paul says it best:

¹⁴ When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, ¹⁵ the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. ¹⁶ I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. ¹⁷ Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. ¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. ¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

²⁰ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ²¹ Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

-Ephesians 3:14-21

“…for though I am far away from you, my heart is with you…” – Colassians 2:5a

Family Matters.

Today was a good day.

I was blessed to be in the presence of both of my grandparents… they’re so silly and so full of wisdom. I got up early with my mamma and we headed over to Papaw Mino’s house to visit with him. This past Wednesday night he was rushed to the hospital for what seemed to be a stroke… thankfully it wasn’t. He has Belle Palsy. I wasn’t able to see him while he was in the hospital and I didn’t quite know what to expect – I love my papaw’s smile and his laugh… so when I walked into the room today and saw half of his face just hanging there without any movement it took me back pretty far. But I had to keep a smile on my face because he needs all of the positivity he can get. So we sat there and looked through National Geographic books, like we did when I was a kid… fantasizing about trips we dream of taking and naming the animals we would see and the experiences we would be able to be a part of… it was wonderful. My Papaw has a lifetime full of traveling… only really to Guam, Peru, Mexico and other South American countries, but his stories are the best. I love to hear him chuckle and the way he exaggerates his stories are genius. He always makes you learn something…  My Papaw grew up in Lima, Peru, and I was so happy to listen to him talk about it today. I always remember him taking trips when I was younger, he would always come back with a unique gift and I would always bring it to class for show-and-tell. I remember the best one was a stuffed Piranha. Ah it was awesome. I think I carried that thing around so much to scare people it finally just broke to pieces… come to think of it, it was pretty odd. No wonder I didn’t have many friends I still have one of the blankets he brought us back… it’s beautiful and I will always treasure it.

It was so good to listen to my papaw talk, even though it is harder to understand him with the Belle Palsy… he has the thickest accent and I love listening to him talk.

About 2 hours into visiting with him, he became weaker and needed some rest… so we took him over to his chair and he held my hand and just smiled at me… I gave him a big kiss on his cheek and told him to behave himself and that I’ll be checking in on him tomorrow

My mamma and I left and went over to my grandmothers house to visit with her. (Sidenote: both of the grandparents I am referring to are my mother’s mom and dad, but are both divorced and happily married to other people. This all happened when I was 2 or 3, so this is all I know and I couldn’t imagine it any other way)

So, we headed over to my grandmama’s. She is the most precious thing on God’s green earth. I owe much of who I am to my grandmother – she instilled many values in me growing up. On Thursday, my grandmama went in for a check up on her wrist because she just had surgery about 2 months ago… well they told her she needed to go in for immediate surgery on Friday on her arm to take out her carpal tunnel. My Papaw was still in the hospital at this time and we still thought he was suffering from a stroke so when this news came it just through us for a loop. But, it was finally the surgery my grandmama needed to fix her arm completely and not have to go in for surgery after surgery and it would finally take care of the pain – which is an answer to prayer. So bright and early Friday morning grandmama went in for surgery and my papaw mino was released from the hospital with Belle Palsy and not a stroke…

Doped up on the pain medicine my grandmama came home that night and had her little posse over to play her Friday Night cards… she said she might as well enjoy it while she can’t feel the pain. Smart woman. When we went over today she still looked amazing as always and wasn’t hurting like we were expecting her to… I made dinner for everyone, good ol’ country fixin’s and then we all sat down and watched a movie. She loved it. Our family is extremely close and my grandmama loves nothing more than our family being in the same room just spending quality time with eachother. Her little princesses were there (myself, my sister and my cousin) and we had some girl time – honestly I think we could all just sit around for hours enjoying eachother’s laughter and obscenities… my grandmama will put the fear of God in you but at the same time His overwhelming love.

So, today was a good day. A blessed day indeed. Days like these help me remember where I’ve come from and where I’m going… and why I do everything I do.

Now I’m going to do some laundry and watch The Office. Thank you Nashville friends for getting me hooked…

The World Spins Madly On.

Well folks, it’s 1:30am here in Dayton, Ohio… I should be asleep by now. I have had very little sleep this past week with all of the madness that has been surrounding me. It has me questioning so much, and has me searching deeply for God’s guidance.

Since this past summer, and even a little before,  I have been endlessly searching for my passion. The passion in which Christ has bestowed upon my heart – the way He has envisioned me to love His people. The way my Jesus has created me to use the precious talents He has given me to further His kingdom… It has been a battle of my own selfish desires and worldly influences. I admit that I have not sufficiently given Him my time and so much of my life. I kept wondering why things seemed harder than before – but I looked at it as a valley and I kept pushing through on my own. None of what I did made sense… I was just living. Just ‘going with the flow’ if you will. And sometimes that’s okay – but I have been repeatedly just living life day by day without any real motivation. I have been taking every breath for granted, thinking as if I deserve it and that it is just an automatic given that tomorrow is promised… I realized today how numb I have been to the world around me. I became so frustrated with everything. I have this problem with building things up in my life and creating a barrier – I didn’t want to deal with what was going on around me. I just put it aside and I guess tried to save it for a rainy day… but eventually I had no where else to put things at. So, instead of dealing with everything I just let it sit and collect dust. I let pain, and hurt and anger build up inside of me – but at the same time I tried to convince myself that none of that was effecting me – that I had already dealt with it and given it to Christ at the foot of the cross.

This probably sounds like such a ramble of stupidity. And it is.

I encountered Christ today. Face to face. I fell hard this time – and it was well deserved. I realized today that it’s okay to hurt – it’s okay to let human beings affect your heart. It’s not a sign of weakness… God created us to love eachother. We are human and we’re going to dissapoint eachother – we are not in any shape or form perfect. We make mistakes… but God’s grace is so good. It’s something I have overlooked for some time…

I didn’t want to deal with what was going on in my life… but I had to. In order to become the woman that Christ has created me to be – I had to deal with my past and let Him mend me back together. God broke me. Because of my life and what I have gone through… I have a hard time depending on others. For some crazy reason, I see it as a sign of weakness. To my ignorance, I put Christ in with the others – I didn’t depend on Him like I should have – like He created me to… Instead I just kept doing things my way. Oh and boy was that hilarious. I know Christ laughed so many times and He probably weeped as well… reaching for my hand, so that He could walk through the fire with me.  Calling my name, trying to pick me up when I fell so many times… but I refused. I always thought that so many other people were going through tremendously worse things, and that He needed to take care of them before He took care of me… my problems were minute compared to so many others.

He probably wanted to shake all of my ignorance out of me at this point and just hold me as tight as He could – filling me up with wisdom and love…

A friend of mine kept me reminding me that it was okay to hurt… that everyone has bad days and it was okay to have a bad day. Why I couldn’t wrap my head around that is beyond me.

Today I fell in love with Christ all over again… His grace is truly sufficient for me. I fell into His arms tonight, embracing all that He is. Tonight I feel whole again. I feel… I feel. And I haven’t felt in such a long time.

Thank you Jesus, for never giving up on me.

Maybe I’m Made More Faithful…

I am continually being broken and mended lately. My faith is being tested as I have never quite experienced before.

I just know there is something so beautiful and breathtaking at the end of this valley and as I aim to thrive, I admit that sometimes I am barely breathing. The worries of this world have become a battle to leave at the foot of the cross…

But I look up and cry to the Lord. I reach for Him. I pray in expectation, knowing that He is the maker of all things. And although I cannot hear Him, I know that He hears my prayers…

He has made this valley and through it I shall find His beauty shining brighter than the day before.

I believe that Christ does not give me anything to large to handle. I have faith in that. I have faith in the hope that all things work together to the good of those that love Him and have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28).

May I be about His purpose. Solely His purpose.

May I leave all that I am, all that I carry – may I leave it at the foot of the cross.

May I live by faith and not by sight.

“… Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want…” – Brooke Fraser; Faithful.

ciao.

Still Standing.

Currently playing an old favorite: Brooke Fraser/Albertine album. Her lyrics are piercing through my heart today. Inspiring, really.

I just finished up a meeting/interview with a potentially amazing job. I would be working with a management company for independent artists… This is only something I have been praying about for quite some time. Yet still I sit here in disbelief. I just didn’t think that it could be quite this easy… that I could receive a phone call from someone who is interested in me; a nobody, nothing, nada. It’s true what they say… you’re reputation precedes you. (I feel like a thank you to my mother is in order, for always making sure I remember God is watching and so are others – and that everything I do and the way I do it and pursue it, matters immensely. So thank you mamma.)

Still, I feel as though I am not adequate enough for this type of position. But, I think I need that sense though, the humbling sense of who I am and who I am not is very necessary to hold close to my heart – so that I do not get too far ahead of myself and fall flat on my face. You might say that all of this comes from watching others and learning from their mistakes and even sometimes my own (surprising, I know…) – And it is.

So I sit here, contemplating the future. The possibilities of the doors that have been opened today, and the doors that are partially cracked waiting to bust open… Do I think that this job will give me the experience I need to put myself above the rest of the population of dreamers that dream as I do? Yes, yes I do. I think that this is exactly what I have been praying for to happen. But I also know where I want to be in a year – where I have pictured myself. And honestly, this wasn’t a part of it. So I don’t exactly know where that leaves me… except that it leaves me falling and tumbling after Christ even more. To search for the beautiful painting that He has so intricately designed for my future. To foresee what he foresees… “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me” – Jeremiah 29:13.

May I search wholeheartedly.

Till next time…

ciao.

Amaretto Skinny Latte Extra Froth, Please.

This is my choice of drink to flow through my veins in the hopeless attempt to keep me warm in this -25 degree weather. Ridiculous, really. I think I should have opted for the Large, my poor little small has already been gulped down. Eh, maybe a hot green tea is in the making… Time will tell.

I am sitting in my favorite local coffee shop, and wondering why there are obnoxious high schoolers present. They are not supposed to be here – never, in all of my times of coming and relaxing have I ever seen someone under 21 here. What is wrong with the world? They are simply trying to fit in – but definitely not doing a good job of it

Oh well.

So right now I am trying to plan what could possibly be the most amazing benefit show, ever. Well my best friend Rachel Young and I are planning it – We just need artists to commit – but the date of the show is 3 months away, so for an artist that is an iffy situation. (I like that word, iffy- Fact.) We have the speaker confirmed, a friend of Mocha Club that I met working with Sanctus Real – his name is Sammy Adebiyi. He himself is from Africa and is a very talented speaker. I am so excited to hear him again and see how the Lord uses him in Dayton, Ohio.

I guess that’s the other thing about the show. It’s not in Nashville or LA – it’s in good ol’ Dayton, Ohio. SO, advertising is key. I am praying that people show like we have envisioned.

The 2 organizations we are working with/benefiting are Mocha Club and Falling Whistles. I am so pumped for this! I am very familiar with Mocha Club, and I am excited to get to know the Falling Whistles crew and get more involved with what they are doing. Check out both of these organizations and join in!

So that’s life right now. I have a possible job opening… booking/managing artists. I was called by a local Management Company who had heard of me and they are interested in having me work alongside them. Tomorrow morning I am meeting with them, so let’s hope that goes well.

Praise that all of the passengers aboard US Airways Flight 1549 have all been rescued and are alive after crashing into the Hudson River.

And for all of you folks out experiencing a freakishly cold day, stay warm and enjoy as many cups of coffee/tea/cocoa – whatever… just keep warm and if you gotta spoon, then today would be your day for it to be as close to justified as possible haha

ciao.

we are broken…

A paramore song continues to run through my head. One line sticks out. “we are broken, what must we do to restore?”

I guess you could say it’s a statement of where I am at… my heart is in pieces. Due to circumstances beyond my control. It’s affecting the people I love and hold so dear to my heart… and it’s demolishing the bride of Christ.

Oh Lord, have mercy.

A beautiful life…

I cannot get enough of fall. It’s my most favorite time of year… It always reminds me of change and how beautiful it really is. I am an avid believer of change, I instill change in my life in whatever ways I can. Change brings a newness to life, and I am all about new life

As I sit here on my father’s front porch I am in awe of how beautiful and delicate life is… How so many times we live life on the edge, so careless about others and even ourselves. We just “go with the flow” far too often. I am not saying this is wrong, because I love a good whim and I love being free spirited, but it is when those whims and those moments of being a free spirit start to put your life in jeopardy that the question arises, when is enough really enough? God has given us a life, and in Him we are given the chance to live life more abundantly… We are to remember though that life is precious and it only happens once – so grab hold of it and live life to the fullest of all capacities! Enjoy each breath you breathe and embrace each new change that comes your way – hold love in your heart and never let it go. Never be angry or jealous, because life is too short to hold that in your heart – instead have a pure and joyful heart in all life’s adventures and meetings. And don’t be afraid of taking chances… Because sometimes the greatest adventures and memories are held in free falling.

Just some food for thought. Enjoy!

Ciao.

Wicked World.

So here I am at work on a common break… I’m just sitting here thinking about how wicked and crazy this world is. I’ve been seeing people that I used to respect and I’d even go as far as saying admire, I have began seeing them in the real light. Human beings. I don’t think for one minute that that is an excuse for their behavior and poor decisions. We are all human and yes our God is a gracious God, but that gives us no excuse to blatantly do things that we know are wrong and of this world… That gives no one an excuse to give in to their selfish desires and dismiss it as nothing thinking there’s forgiveness right around the corner… I am just so tired of seeing people that have 3/4 of themselves in the world and 1/4 in the life of Christ but personify themselves as more emerged and soaked in the life of Christ. It really gets to me.

I wish people would see themselves the way they are rather than the way they want to be seen.

I don’t want to go down that road… I want to be different. I want to be real, with myself and others. I want to live the way I speak – I want to change the world and leave it inspired. I don’t want to barely skim by, I want to be so far ahead that the Lord and I have to move mountains that no one has seen or reached…

I realize now how concrete my faith needs to be, because if it is not it is so much easier to give into temptation.

Although lessons lately have been hard to see, they have been necessary for me to take that next step in my life… I just pray that I don’t have to ever again experience what I have.

Psalm 70 is what the Lord has put on my heart and has become a part of my prayer life. It pertains to these “occurrences” very well. I encourage you to read the chapter and search for what it is the Lord wants you to take from it.

Ciao.

inspired.

Lately, I have been searching for what it is exactly the Lord has willed for me. The life ahead of me seems to close in more and more – each time I blink every second, every hour – it goes by so fast. I feel as though too many times I am sitting on the sidelines waiting anxiously, and even sometimes waiting scared out of my mind for the coach to yell “Erin, you’re up!”. I want to be out there, front lines of defense – standing up for the ones that have so many parts of my heart. I want to be making a difference in the lives of those in Africa, the Roma people and just your regular run-of-the-mill everyday people… I feel as though too many times I let people dictate my actions and reactions. I have to get out of where I am at and move. Move to the city that inspires me most… where I can sit on 21st and enjoy a nice cup of green jasmine tea. Where I can sit in my favorite bookstore and look for goodbuys and embrace the beautiful scent of old books. Where I can emerge myself in the area I want to take on for the rest of my life…

It’s crazy that it has only been 2 months since Philadelphia. I miss waking up at the crack of dawn and spending time in the word while pecking the brains out of my roommate about what’s on her heart and what the Lord is teaching her… I miss my park. Although crazy at times, I miss Chris. I miss the story of Carroll Park and the feeling of empowerment and being left inspired each time it was told. I want to be there again, but the Lord has closed that door. New life awaits.

By this time next year I will be in Nashville hopefully living out my dreams. I hear it’s where dreams are made of… and mine are made of people helping people and being surrounded by beautiful music…