Still Standing.
Currently playing an old favorite: Brooke Fraser/Albertine album. Her lyrics are piercing through my heart today. Inspiring, really.
I just finished up a meeting/interview with a potentially amazing job. I would be working with a management company for independent artists… This is only something I have been praying about for quite some time. Yet still I sit here in disbelief. I just didn’t think that it could be quite this easy… that I could receive a phone call from someone who is interested in me; a nobody, nothing, nada. It’s true what they say… you’re reputation precedes you. (I feel like a thank you to my mother is in order, for always making sure I remember God is watching and so are others – and that everything I do and the way I do it and pursue it, matters immensely. So thank you mamma.)
Still, I feel as though I am not adequate enough for this type of position. But, I think I need that sense though, the humbling sense of who I am and who I am not is very necessary to hold close to my heart – so that I do not get too far ahead of myself and fall flat on my face. You might say that all of this comes from watching others and learning from their mistakes and even sometimes my own (surprising, I know…) – And it is.
So I sit here, contemplating the future. The possibilities of the doors that have been opened today, and the doors that are partially cracked waiting to bust open… Do I think that this job will give me the experience I need to put myself above the rest of the population of dreamers that dream as I do? Yes, yes I do. I think that this is exactly what I have been praying for to happen. But I also know where I want to be in a year – where I have pictured myself. And honestly, this wasn’t a part of it. So I don’t exactly know where that leaves me… except that it leaves me falling and tumbling after Christ even more. To search for the beautiful painting that He has so intricately designed for my future. To foresee what he foresees… “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me” – Jeremiah 29:13.
May I search wholeheartedly.
Till next time…
ciao.
